vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
