My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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