OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We talked him into tasing himself.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
