Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize