Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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