Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
