I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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