remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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