i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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