shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
