I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
