God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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