Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
