Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
