I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
