sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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