You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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