What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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