can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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