So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
