In the future we'll all be gay
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
