woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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