If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
