How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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