And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
