Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
