please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
