I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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