apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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