Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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