i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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