His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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