I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
