i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This baby is an asshole
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
