You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
