He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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