508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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