So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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