I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
