When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
