I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
