My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
