i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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