Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
