In the future we'll all be gay
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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