dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
