soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
