I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
