I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
