Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
