No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
