Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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