I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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