I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
