My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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