i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
