Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
