Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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