her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
