the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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