You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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