No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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