Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
