im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
