bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
