i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
