I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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