you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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