Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
