Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
