I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
